Raising "the kid" vs. Starting a Business

It has been a long time since we have posted anything and we have good reason……LIFE!!!  Who knew one kid would encompass everything you do and require so much attention, and on top of that trying to start a t-shirt empire, where does the time go.  There have been numerous similarities in starting the business and raising “the kid”:

1. Both require constant attention
2. You are learning as you go
3. Both are an experiment in patience
4. Both are a labor of love
5. Both can be draining
6. You love them one moment and you want to drop them from a hot air balloon the next
7. Both cause you not to get as much sleep as you want
8. Each gives you ideas for the other
9. You wonder what life would be like without them…..pretty damn sad

Some days I grit my teeth and complain about “the kid” in silence, but he is the best thing that has happened to me and the inspiration for the business, and his daily ramblings and everything I want instill in him give me the ideas for next t-shirt designs.  

I get through each day knowing that the next day has something better in store………………………….sounds a like there is a t-shirt design somewhere in there. 

Kids Say the Darnest Things

And so it begins….

We went out to our local Outback Steakhouse Friday night for dinner.  Just like every other suburban family.  As we are sitting outside, waiting the necessary 30 minutes for our table, the little spots a, hmmm, how shall I say this in PC terms, a larger than average person.  And with all the innocence of a 3 year old, blurts out “Daddy, why he so BIG???”  Ugh, what to do??  Is this a teachable moment, do we ignore him or do we tell him to be quiet??  We did a combination of all three, Mommy said “that’s not nice”; Daddy bumps his shoulder and says “maybe he’s got a thyroid problem”.  And then it was promptly dropped.  No more mention of the man, moving on to enjoy my down under dinner.

Skip to the next day, we are at a birthday party at a local farm and what does the boy see across the field?  Another, larger than average person, and of course, the same question “why is he so BIG”?  This time I was able to distract him with the prospect of going on a hay ride.  Next time, I doubt I will have a wagon full of hay at the ready.

Does this mean we have entered the phase of “kids say the darnest things”?  If so, we’re in for quite a ride, since our son will say whatever pops into his mind at that moment.  And more importantly, does this mean that I need to step my workouts up so that I’m not his next victim??  Oh, the trials and tribulations of motherhood. 

He Said What...

Did he just say what I think he said??  That is a common phrase uttered between my husband and I.  More now that our little one is quite the motor mouth.  When he isn’t asking “what is that?”, it’s “what are you doing?”.  Most things that come out of his mouth aren’t too shocking.  It’s more along the lines of “oh, I didn’t know he knew that word”.  But this one takes the cake….  One evening, our buppie child demanded that he be measure with a tape, aka the tape measure.  I dutifully pulled it out of the junk drawer and proceeded to attempt to get him to stand still and straight to get an accurate measurement.  We guestimated that he was 38 inches tall.  This is an important tidbit for the remainder of this story.

The next morning, as we are in my closest deciding what Mommy is going to wear to work that day.  Daddy asked the child “how tall are you?”.  I whispered to him that he’s “38 inches tall”.  The child proceeded to answer Daddy with “38 b**tches tall”.  Say what?!?!?  Did he just say what we thought he said??  So we ask the question again and we get the same answer.  What kind of pimp mess are they teaching him at this school that costs more than our old mortgage??  Does he have 38 b**tches at school following him around??  NO, because there are only 2 little girls in his class.  He father would like to think this is some sort of inherent quality that he has passed down to his “seed”.  I think that our son has some sort of speech impediment.  Perhaps, we should get him tested?  His father says “no, he just has pimp bones in his body”.  I don’t even know what that means.  He’s saying it’s in a rap song…yeah, whatevs.

So after chuckling for days about this, when the child is not around, we’ve decided that perhaps we should convert to the metric system so that we don’t have these issues going forward.  I can just imagine the parent teacher conference coming our way in the first grade…

PS Daddy is already on the lookout for a tiny pimp suit for Halloween. 

PPS I’m pretty sure that’s not allowed at the bourgeoisie school he attends.

The Easter Bunny Conundrum

I was walking through the mall enjoying a retail lunch hour, I saw a sign advertising pictures with the Easter Bunny.  As I read the small print it said “pictures starting at $20”.  WTH??  $20 to sit on a giant bunny's lap??  I don’t understand.  What is our kid supposed to be telling this giant animal? 

Then I thought back to my own childhood, I know I sat on the lap of a giant bunny once or twice because I’ve seen the pictures.  *Side note, I’m sure the pictures did not cost the equivalent of a nice pizza dinner for the whole family way back when.  But back to the topic at hand, what did I tell Mr. Giant Ears??  The answer, I have no freakin’ idea.  It’s not like I put together a list for the Easter bunny like I did for Santa Claus.  What would’ve been on the Easter list??  Jelly beans, Peeps, gum and the requisite brightly colored basket with the freakishly green plastic grass in it??  I just don’t understand….why are kids supposed to sit on the Easter bunnies lap??  There are no Toys R Us catalogs devoted to getting kids all hopped up on excitement for Easter goodies.  No Easter toy commercials…just the JCPenney commercials for the much needed Easter outfit.  No child is gonna tell the bunny he/she wants brand new, incredibly uncomfortable clothes as a gift.

So back to my conundrum, do I take our buppie child to see the Easter bunny because that’s what everyone else is doing??  My answer…heck no!  I barely got him to see Santa Claus without a break down and Santa is human.  Imagine his horror when he is asked to sit on the lap of a bunny that’s on steroids.  This is just one “tradition” that we will be missing out on.

Sh%t Happens!!!

Getting the house in order and making it seem more like ours rather than theirs has taken more time than expected, and it is still ongoing.  Along with the house happenings we decided we would take to the task of potty training our little one.  We took the approach of potty training boot camp.  We were all sequestered in the house for the weekend and we were not leaving until he was trained.  The plan was simple enough, we would take him to the potty on half-hour increments, scrap the diapers and put him in underwear, and he would get it......easy right.  We placed potties in every bathroom to make sure we had the poop surrounded.   

We started the process with cautious optimism.  I figured he would get the gist of using the potty, after all he is the smartest kid in the house.  We start by introducing him to the potties and showing him how big boys use them. Easy enough, he seemed to get it.  No sooner than we walk out of the bathroom he poops in his new underwear.  This goes for the entire weekend, he poops and pees everywhere but the potty.  Until Monday, when I reached my breaking point and hap haphazardly walked by our new leather couch and ended up stabbing it, to no fault of the couch.  While at dinner he says he has to poop, with excitement we rush him to the potty and he makes what he describes as play-do. I have never known shit to make a family so happy.  

After the first poop he has caught on how to the use the potty like an old pro.  Now every morning after he does #2 we can expect to hear what he made.  Thus far, he has concocted a snake, a frog, letter 'H', and crayon.  I don't' know if there is a market for his new found talent but we are hoping, so he can pay for college and help pay off the IRS.

And we're back..

Hello all, we have neglected you for far too long.  You wonder what we’ve been up too??  Well, we had what felt like 4,000 different holiday functions from Thanksgiving thru the New Year happening at our new house.   The Mrs. is loving showing off the new pad, the Mr. is tired of having people in his house.   The holidays were fun, especially with the little one finally kinda getting what it means to have a strange fat man in a red suit come visit your house overnight.  But now, the decorations are packed up and we’ve entered what the Mrs. calls, “the cold dark days of winter”. 

To counteract the seasonal depression, we’ve been dreaming of all the changes/improvements we want to complete in our new home.  So, as any good homeowner would do, we set out to get estimates on everything from painting to flooring to a whole new kitchen.  What have we learned…this sh*t is expensive!!  So, as any good buppies would do, we’ve decided to pay the good money to get all our windows replaced and attempt to rehab our existing kitchen cabinets.  We are avid watchers of HGTV, so we feel like we can do this project without any issues. 

Wish us luck…hopefully we’ll be able to post pictures of our beautiful new kitchen in a few short months and we’ll be able to say how much money we saved in the process.  Now, if we could only figure out a way to do this with a VERY active 2 ½ year old running free in the house. 

Watch Out Waistline

In a previous post I mentioned along with the great public schools in our new county comes a wealth of eateries, something that was lacking at our previous address.  To help me get a grasp of everything that is offered, I found the HowChow blog - http://howchow.blogspot.com.

It boasts itself as 'A guide to food in Howard County with the best dining in Columbia, Ellicott City, Elkridge, Fulton, etc.'

It truly does provide a myriad of options to try and with the wife being such a picky eater, it looks like the kid and I will be counting calories together.